I promised myself I would not partake in the mania of Skylanders and I succeeded in that for almost four years. But it seems that good times never last forever, and I am afraid that I must tell you that I too, have fallen into the tiny claws of these very appealing creatures.
From a happy occasion to rice and beans
It happened last week when I got my Bachelors degree, a happy occasion one would think. A diploma related gift was presented to me, in nice wrapping paper concealing the contents within. I eagerly removed the paper, like one does when receiving a wrapped gift, and then the horror struck me.
Three pairs of very different eyes stared at me from some sort of platform, that would turn out to be a portal to digital Skyland. With mixed feelings I thanked my gift-giver, knowing that this would be the beginning of the end.In the game I got with these plastic monsters, the Skylanders are presented as the heroes. An understandable mistake since they have superpowers, can manipulate the elements and look pretty cool. It is all part of the ruse to conceal their true intent: robbing you of your last euro, until you can only afford to eat beans with rice. Which is al right, I like beans with rice.It’s in the game
I had high hopes for the game itself to stop this Skylander madness, because how good could this kids game really be? I tried Disney Infinity before, for a friend, and that was a horrible game. Well turns out Skylanders is actually one of the best action platformers I have ever played. The enemies, puzzles and levels are annoyingly well designed and offer just enough challenge to be exciting, but not that much that you would throw your precious figurines through the room.The bad thing is of course that you need a lot of figures to open up certain parts in the game, with the sole purpose of tricking you into buying more “heroes”. But they are not going to fool me, I did not buy a Giant to be able to open up all the loot crates, I just wanted it for reasons.
You might think that I am not seeing things straight any more and there certainly must be something wrong with Skylanders. The soundtrack for example, that must be shitty kids music. It’s not, the music is frickin’ epic.
So this is a goodbye really, it’s been fun, but I have new friends now. And my new friends want more new friends until I sold everything I own and become the ultimate supercharged-swapping-giant-trap-master.